If your trust has been broken, you may think you will never allow yourself to trust again, let alone be able to trust. If you are ‘once bitten twice shy’ it’s easy to believe no one is to be trusted. Don’t try to protect yourself by being mistrusting – all you’re doing is putting up a wall between yourself and others. Don’t live a lonely and unfulfilled life without meaningful relationships! You CAN move past the heartbreak of broken trust. Even if you’ve been deeply wounded or if you’ve experienced traumatic and repeated episodes of betrayal, you don’t have to let another person’s untrustworthiness affect your ability to trust. Learning to trust means becoming confident that things will work out how you want them to – or better.
But before we go into rebuilding trust, let’s look at different kinds of trust:
- Trusting other people: having the confidence and faith that the decisions a person takes are based on love, consideration and respect for you; and that the person would avoid taking any action or saying anything that would hurt you physically or emotionally. People make mistakes, but in general, you want their actions and words to reflect love for you.
- Trusting yourself: having the confidence and faith that the decisions YOU make on your behalf AND toward others are based on love, consideration and respect for yourself and for the other person. It means you stand firm on your values and follow through with integrity on your decisions.
Be Kind to Yourself. Love Yourself
First of all, be kind to yourself. Many people put some blame on themselves – “I should never have trusted him” or “I can’t believe I trusted her.” But our inherent nature is good and trustworthy, so it’s natural to trust and unnatural to be mistrusting! Mistrust is learned – and you can unlearn it. Here is how:
1. Believe that you are okay, perfect and whole AS YOU ARE. No one can complete you because you are complete! No one can take away any part of you because how can anyone take something that is not physical like a part of your soul? You simply ARE, and if people don’t act according to the expectations you placed on them and betray your trust, you still ARE. A little wiser, yes, but you are not LESS without this person or this person’s love. Know that you are always OK even if you are let down.
2. Affirm the possibility. Trust is a necessary component of human relationships. You can’t enter a new relationship if you’re still harboring the belief that once trust is broken, it will never be regained. You can’t project the past onto a relationship and expect it to succeed. It puts incredible pressure on both of you – you, because you believe your partner will betray you; and your partner, because he or she resents that you do not trust them. So when you’re in meditation, say the following affirmation:
“I am open to trusting my intuition. I am open to trusting my heart. I am open to trusting another person.”
When you say that, say it with love in your heart, and pure intention. It feels GOOD, doesn’t it? Say this affirmation often and allow that good feeling to permeate you.
3. You DO trust! You may be saying to yourself, “I can’t trust anyone anymore!” Is that really true? Don’t you trust that when you place an order at a restaurant, someone will bring you food? Really think about the little acts of trust that are performed every day. The truth is, you want to trust. You want to be able to relax and believe that you won’t be hurt. So why are you blocking that desire with a belief that the worst is inevitable? Focus on what can go right instead!
4. Listen to your intuition and seek out people who are trustworthy. Use the Love or Above Toolkit to develop your intuition and listen to your spirit guides when you are questioning a person’s trustworthiness. Become very observant. How do they treat other people? How do they talk about others? Do they gossip or share other people’s secrets? Don’t go by appearances and public personas alone. Untrustworthy people can put on an excellent show in public and allow their behavior to deteriorate in private. Listen to your intuition and don’t go by what you see and hear in public. Often, though, untrustworthy people will slip up and express unkind words and actions before they catch themselves. When you’re in a new relationship (romantic or friendly) don’t spill your heart right away. Start by sharing small things and see what happens. The breach of even a small confidence is a huge red flag. Do not trust this person with anything: your secrets or your heart. However, trustworthiness with the little things generally means trustworthiness with the big things.
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5. What you think about, comes about. If you have been betrayed and you expect it to happen again, you will subconsciously attract just that situation. You’ll look for signs of betrayal, putting the person under a microscope, and ironically, you’ll see what you want to see, even if it’s not there. If you focus on what you want, on what can go perfectly right, you will attract the people who will not betray you.
6. Believe that you deserve trusting relationships. Even if you yourself haven’t always been honest and you believe that maybe you don’t deserve trust, understand that most dishonesty comes from fear and low self-esteem. Try to be compassionate and forgive – not to condone the action, but to understand its source.
7. Meditate often on the fact that you cannot control another person’s actions, but you can always control your response. You are in control of yourself. You can boost your self-esteem by always acting with integrity and honesty, always giving 100%, and believing that you are worthy of love, trust and respect.
Always remember, you attract what you believe, so believe in the possibility of a relationship built on TRUST.